Why Decisions Feel Hard

Decisions become hard when no option can give you all you want. You want to volunteer, but you don’t want to give up your evenings. You want to move, but you don’t want to uproot your kids. You want a pet, but you don’t want to lose your freedom.

When this happens, a natural reaction is to list more pros and cons, do more research, or have more conversations. But that misses the real problem. The difficulty isn’t lack of facts. It’s a conflict between what matters to you.

Instead, focus on your drivers: the results you’re trying to protect, gain, avoid, or preserve. Spend your energy deciding which drivers must guide the decision, and which can only support.

Try this

• Write down a decision that’s hanging over you and list the options.
• For each option, ask: “If I choose this, what am I trying to protect, gain, avoid, or preserve?” Those answers are drivers.
• Pick the one or two drivers you would truly regret ignoring.
• Use those drivers to make the choice.

Example

• Decision: Should I take on a weekly volunteer role or not?
• Drivers: Protecting weeknights for family, supporting a cause I care about, staying connected with the community, learning new skills.
• Guiding drivers: Protecting my weeknights and supporting the cause.
• Choice: Don’t take the weekly role. Find another way to help.

From PMEZ’s UNSTUCK approach